How can I be happy when...

So often I hear,
How can I be happy when....?
I would be happier if....?
What is there to be happy about?

I felt like that once. There was always someone or something that was 'keeping' me unhappy. If only I landed this job, or did this work, lost this much weight, had this much money, lived here was with so-and-so, or if only my partner/kids/friends/co-workers was like this, did that, understood my way of doing, thinking or seeing.
Really the crap can be endless.

Wow! How much time did I spend in that spiral thinking?!

There was always happiness bubbling under the surface, but I always had a 'reason' to keep it at bay. Listening to the 'Happy Oppressors' was one guaranteed way to stay a 'negative nellie'. Another good way to stay in the dumps, was to believe in my story. In all my perceived tragedies and wrong doings, I had melded a great way to keep my head down and my soul tucked away from it's true being. I really had fabricated a beautiful piece that justified my reason for being so cynical and oppressed.

 As a child, my life was not easy. There was more than the usual growing pains to deal with. Though I will refrain from detail at this time, I have learned to acknowledge and accept these heartaches from the past. Even now I can quite easily reflect, not dwell for there is a difference, and each reflection brings forth a new understanding much like reading a book for the third or forth time. Something deeper always arises and that is usually based on where we are in that moment. What was once disdain and malcontent, was easily transformed into understanding and even love. For those distant occurrences and my willingness to step forth and OWN it have led me to where I am today, and they continue to help guide me, if not in the way that you would expect.  I made a choice to see a person, not humans. To be unbiased and try and view every angle that may lead a person to do what they do. The good and not so good. I may still not agree, but at least I can see them in a new light, a new understanding, and then that person becomes a being, no different than myself, experiencing life on their terms.

In the end it is not for any of us to judge.


Now I am not saying that I didn't have some hard lessons or events, I just began to see them in a different light.
 
In fact I saw them in the 'LIGHT'!
Lessons!
In fact, they were and are nothing more than lessons in this school of life. Events that carry on past like the pot holes in the road. Avoid them and hope for a smooth drive, or hit them head on and reap the rich lessons of growth and transformation, even the ones that catch you by surprise.

Each rain storm, blizzard, tornado (in some cases) allowed me the opportunity to grow. To see things I otherwise would not have. I could see the forest, or I could see each needle on each tree and every dance in between.

That's my perspective.

   "When you stop resisting,
      you see that what seems frightening is actually the absolute beauty of reality"
          'Adyashanti (The effortless flow of Freedom)

It is a choice this thing we call Happiness. The day my councilor asked me at the age of 17, 'How bad do you want it?' was a huge turning point, that ultimately led to other light bulbs flickering into my view.
I finally have come to understand that it is all in perception. I could carry on feeling sorry for myself, blame the world and God, or I could begin to take responsibility for MY LIFE, for this is my LIFE.
I am not meant to have the same opinions and views as everyone else. I am not meant to wallow in the pool of shit and disdain. I could,  but that is not the CHOICE for me. I finally came to understand that it was not the fear of what 'everyone' thought of me and my choices, it was the fear of what I thought of myself and my choices.....I was the judge, not the outside world, of my own insecurities and armloads of baggage. Though I spent a small amount of time now rejudging myself for taking this long to let that go, I did let it go.

So....

Q.  How can I be happy when....?  

A.  You choose it.

Q.  I would be happier if....?

A.  You chose it.

Q.  What is there to be happy about?

A.   Everything.



I have CHOSEN to BE HAPPY. To understand that this dance we do can be our undoing or can lift us up to immeasurable heights.

The sun will only be held at bay for so long, for even the night must step aside for another day.



One Earth.

Honor

If I could reach my hand into all that is,
   I would be reaching for you.
If I could summon forces that nothing can hold,
  I would be holding you.
If I could stare into the eyes of God,
  I would see you.

Know that in every light, and shadow we communicate. Sometimes I talk and you listen. Sometimes you talk and I listen, but always we dance in perfect rhythm.

See beyond the claimed righteousness that many impose and listen to our heart, for that is where our communication resides. They cannot tell you the path that you must take, the choices that you need to make. Only WE together know what we must do.

Free from the confines of the finite, you will flourish, WE will flourish.

You are the power and the infinite we have all come to worship.
You are the savior that we have all come to see. Our hopes, fears, loves, and hearts all lie with you.
You are the magic of the earth and the wisdom of the universe wrapped up so divinely in exquisite uniqueness.
You are the dream and the reality.
You are the pleasure and the pain.
A universe in the multiverse.

You.

You....
You are all that is, that ever will be, that ever was.

You are the collective.
Each a treasured and valued piece of honor.
Whole
Perfect
One.

You are me as I am you.

Honor our divine consciousness.

One Earth.

Garden of Fears

As I walk through the Garden of Fears,
   mildew and mold cling to my feet.
   Dank,
   Dark,
   Lonely.

Darker still are the remnants of leaves, once vibrant with life,
    now pressed to the earth sticky with regret.

As I walk through the rows, my feet become cold with 'should haves',
    My hands drip with 'not enough'
    and all the while my heart shivers with emptiness.

But that is only a cloak....

For this garden,

This Garden!

Is in rejuvenation!

As all decay must first appear as dank and foreboding.

Just below the surface is a sheltered warmth,
A light,
  swimming below is birth, a newness of life.

For the dark becomes comfort,
Dank is only needed moisture.
Lonely is simply reflection.

Reflection of light and the inner knowing.
As each seed bursts forth, we hold hands.

Eyes become clear to the process of energy transformation.
All is temporary and necessary.

Welcome to my Garden of Flowers!

Every spark, a purpose.
Every shadow  a mere break from the heat of life.

Necessary.

United.

Here not every laughter needs to be heard,
nor does every tear need to be wiped.

All blooms and decays in perfect symbolism, synchronization.

Growth is nurtured and uninhibited by the falsities of ego.

Welcome to MY Garden.



One Earth.

Hello Child

It is the child that brings and binds the innocence.

Children are innocent.
To be innocent is to be the Child, connected and one.

They flow together as a dance.
Both leading and following.

A spin,
A dip,
Embraced,
Solo.

Breathtakingly inviting,
trembling with fear.

The choice is yours on which one, or which ones you choose to nurture.

Choose to embrace them all, or cast them aside.

Connected they are regardless.

Connected We are regardless.
It is the root of what we are.
Children in exploration.

One Earth.

Breathless

Breathless,
    
     are my mornings of late.

Tossed in a tumultuous hurricane

     Blinded by light and laced with shadow

Breathless beauty

     Bound only by what my eyes can see

Sensuously open, temptingly inviting

Breathless,

     Simmering newness threatening to rise,

     begging me to notice.

Breathless

     I take hold

    wrapped in fear, and bursting with anticipation

All is more than it appears

     peeking from my periphery,

    Golden scorching blessed adventure.

Breathless

     Is my life

     Always a promise of new

     Always lessons of past

A Breathless life

     Demanding growth, gratitude, and love

Allowing shadow to intermingle with light

     toying me which to behold

Embrace both.

I will.

     For both contain nourishment

     Both bring richness

Breathless I embrace the morning

Breathless I will embrace the night

Breathless

      For life is the deep breath before the Infinite.



One Earth.

'Follow your Heart, not the Teachings'

As messages received in meditation are always important, I find myself compelled now to put them in writing, not just store them in the recesses of my mind and heart.
While journeying between our earth plane and the cosmos, I visited both. For both are integral to my, our, existence.
Both are pivotal to our development and accession. Collectively they are symbiotic and essentially one.

This visit brought forth a simple message.

'Follow your Heart, not the Teachings'

Simple and straight forward.
As I mull this over, it does not say to me, that teachings are inconsequential to our development, it states the opposite.
We have been gifted with teachings of all kinds during all times for a purpose. They are consequential and essential, but are tools for each being to absorb in a way that is unique to each individual.
How I process the teachings of any gift will inherently be different than the individual beside me.
It is our Heart, the seat of our own soul, that knows the path in which we must go. Each converging and disbursing in perfect sync. Each must set forth a path predestined for that individual.
No wrong
No right
No judgement.

So 'Follow your Heart, not the Teachings' let the Teachings be merely a sign post on your Heart path.

One Earth.

In Reflection

In this time of reflection of the year soon to pass and the anticipation of the one to birth, I can't help but be amazed at the changes that come forth that we don't notice until it's passing.
For me, as for many, this year was brought in as a lion demanding change. Every aspect of my life called for it. Work, home, the space that lies within.
To be honest it was not all welcomed with open arms, yet it all yielded a shift that could not be ignored.
Each time I settled for a moment and allowed myself to stand back and simply observe the motions going all around and within, presented me with a new perspective. A new appreciation for the unfolding of life.
When I simply observed without judgement or fear, I found a renewed sense of self, appreciation, direction, understanding and always wonder.
I found that much like the tree feels the breath of life flowing through the leaves, tickling it's bark, soaking into the roots completely aware of all that is unfolding in and around it, knowing the absolute connection, there is always the core of doing what it needs to do regardless of the environmental stimuli around it. I too feel that connection. Intrinsically aware of the struggles and journeys of those around me, but also knowing my journey must unfold too. Kindly, gently, but with vigor and freedom. Less concerned with the opinions of others and more nurturing to the beckoning of my own spirit. No longer in competition, simply in joy and love with this experience and opportunity we have been given.

So it is true. The less the struggle, the easier the path.

More often than not, I have watched the settling of the moon to give way to the sun, willingly. I too have seen them share the open sky. Both magnificent, both essential. The reflection and the anticipation together rejoicing a new now.

One Earth.