Whispers of a time long since past
tantalize my mind, my heart.
It is a yearning for something seemingly forgotten.
A memory of a language formed before words,
connection with elements between visible worlds.
Mesmerizing rains tickling my frame,
the serene scents racing through my nose.
Where trees enveloped me so to tell the sun to share,
and the moisture filled ground soothed my familiar toes.
Seduction plays at my senses,
your fragrance a warm hug into my soul.
A time where the only light shed in the dark of night,
was the moon and her starlets kissing our eyes.
No more do we venture for the art and communion.
Each day brings forth another vehicle of separation,
where we are blinded by the self, and fear the breathing.
Oh how I weep.
Each dawn brings forth another way to silence you.
Waves of malcontent wash over your dying shores.
Feet pound upon your body,
wrapped so you may not know their energy.
So they may not know yours.
Parts of your body bludgeoned for your life,
while other spaces of skin are no more than a brief destination.
Tears now replace what once was your dancing rain,
The conjured scents now pulverize me,
blinding me to what once was the sweet of you.
Vision is only obtained beneath the shackles of bulbs,
and disparity and numbness are the barges to obtain.
Whisper again, so I may feel your breath press against my neck.
Guide me to heal upon your breast,
for not all is lost to the ravages of this existence.
Mmmm...my heart awakens,
My sight returns to your skin, your pulse.
The tender soles of my feet, enamored by your love,
remembering the conversation of a time past.
One I am, lost in the jungle of obscurity and disconnect,
but One I AM.
Each fresh kiss of the sun sheds a new tremor of hope.
More press their hearts to remember you,
timid though they may be.
Reminiscent of the first song,
in a place where words are irrelevant, and the spirit endures,
I join you here.
Was it only a dream or perhaps something more.
So much, it would seem, calls us. Beckoning us to something bigger than ourselves.
With each passing day it is hard to see it.
The world of humans, cycled into a spiral of self degradation, feels lost in there mindless creations.
Each moment, a chance to steal the safety of our own being.
Fear, a great motivator. Sheltering us into a box of ill-perceived safety.
This, of course, is where the weak minded want us.
Easily we are swayed and subdued. Fearing the warmth of the Sun and the healing beneath our feet.
We muster forward, or that is what we tell ourselves.
But in truth we recoil.
Regress into a conditioned sense of belonging and righteousness.
Divided and lost.
As screens fill our sights, and division seeps into our minds,
We comfort the layers of our existence.
Upon ourselves we hide amongst the production of 'happiness',
Burying the hopes and remembrance of something greater.
Misguided and misrepresented
We fall into conditioning and routine,
Easily we are seduced by false belonging,
Replacing the nature of us with physical contortion.
Shall we be destined to be nothing more than an experiential malice, quickly forgotten?
Forever circling the chasms of our fear.
Will this repeater of history, so bound in proving how sentient we are,
be nothing more than a lost page of time floating endlessly through the planes of existence?
Even now, I feel the icy hand creep into my heart.
Chilling the bones of my self.
Darkness, so seductive, clamors for my company.
Perhaps I shall succumb.
Nestle deep into the chaos.
Keep steady and look down,
follow and conform to a calamity that, though it boasts peace,
will bring me to the chains of despondency and endless desires.
I have felt them, you know.
The comforting weight of them.
Like silk spread upon a bed, inviting and beckoning
The illusion of satisfaction only a dream away.
A temptress needing me only to allow myself to me swallowed.
Ahhh...but I listen
Not to the endless wale of division,
the caterwauling of righteousness and blindness.
No, I listen
Beneath the calamity, behind the smoke of despair,
Can you hear it?
A soft tone, barely audible
Subtle, soft, consistent.
An echo locator for my soul
Whispers, 'Look up. Look up'
And I listen.
My heart raises her head, slow and trembling
What will I see? The fears that taunt me? The chains that tickle my fingers?
'Open your eye'
So I listen.
And there, beyond the noise, the sun kisses the horizon
Dancing it's light upon the clouds
I can see, surpassing the visions of sight
Exceeding the malice, the endless space,
But awareness settles into my view
An endless wonder of selfs waking to the call
Separated, only by the distance created in the mind
Glimmering stars of hope in the vastness of ourselves.
The icy hand that threatened to take hold, melts and joins
Communion no longer a mysterious thought fraught with ego
I am awakened to the knowledge that a stormy sky is only that
Beneath the dank floor of decomposition, I hear them
Whispers, outside the limitations of the ear
The seeds buried in the madness, begin to sprout
Roots calling, feeling into one another
Hope renews on the waves of shadow
This is all
Brief flickers of light coalescing into flame
The nightmare from which I awoke to the dream in which we are
Unity, not only with one another, no longer a word,
but a reality, out stretched by the disadvantages of our eyes
Pulses of energy
From a place where language, as we know it, does not exist
We are birthed
Into a creation we have contorted,
We will flounder
In this cataclysm, onward we will forge the remembrance
Free to encompass, to see, to listen,
To create that in which we dream we are.
Feel everything. The sorrow, the anger, the passion, the love, the joy and everything in between.
When we allow ourselves to feel, when we allow those first waves of rawness. Of momentary truth. Then, and only then, are we able to understand. Understand that person, that situation, you. Not with our intellectual brain, but with our souls. Our divine selves. That place beyond the language of words. The place where true knowledge lies beckoning us to remember.
Remember that amidst all the coverings of a 3 dimensional world, we come from a place where emotions are simply another energy wave waiting to be experienced. Like a ride at the carnival. Experiential and enticing. Free from the imaginations and limitations of our mind. Our egoic judgement. Flowing within us, through us, and of us.
No amount of prayers or meditations will undo the
destruction our ‘evolved’ species has created in this, our home. That is simply
superficial. It merely places a band aid on a bullet wound hiding the true
horror that lies behind. It is time for brutally honest reflection. Take
responsibility for our indifference and self proposed blindness. In our every
incessant need to compete and fill our bottomless gluttony, we are reaping the
rewards. Famine, extinction, global warming, wars are all of our own creation.
Every time we choose to feed the commercialism, keep busying ourselves with
mundane tasks crying that they are so important, we are not bettering ourselves
or make belief markets. We are aiding in the imminent death of our world. WE
have done this. WE are doing this. Placing blame on government, corporations or
other ill designed faculties solves nothing. We use that as the scapegoat to
sooth our pathetic egos. Every time we stuff our overpriced purses and
unethically produced pockets with superficial trinkets and food like products,
because we are deserving, work hard, need something to lift us up…. WE are
creating the problem. Each tree that is taken because it is ruining our
perfectly poisoned yard and disrupting the esthetics, is the work of social
delusion. All of it designed to keep us in a perpetual state of not having
enough, not being enough, to keep us in a constant state of trying to fill a
deepening well of disconnectedness and division. It takes individuals to make a
change. It is solely on the individual to get educated. To wake up. To think
about every action or inaction one takes, and their repercussions. WE have the
power as individuals. It takes bravery to admit you are part of the problem. It
is empowering to know you have the power to change that pattern of blind
Every now and then I feel stuck. Caught in a whirlpool of inner work where the answers I seek simply seem to elude me. I am stubborn and will often try and work it out on my own, but like with anything, no one does this life alone!
Thankfully I have been blessed with a whole tribe of gifted beings ready to show me what I need when I need it! Though I feel everyone is a teacher, there are always those that are willing to push my standardized view of myself.
I was recently blessed with a lovely healing session with one of these masters of magic! And as I expected, a truth I simply didn't want to see, surfaced.
That's what Energy work does. It brings forth your own shadows so you may work your way beyond, or transcend them. It's bloody scary. I'm not going to lie. To stand on the edge and willingly look at all your own crap, to know that this life, with all it's trials and tribulations, is of your own doing and there is truly no one else to blame....Well that can break a person. Now, whether you choose to be broken or broken open is up to you.
I'll be broken open thank you!
Here's the deal. I Drive My Vessel. Though my legs shake and I am forced to see things within myself that I would rather not see, I am given choice. Choice to hide my head in the sand, continue to place blame or step up to the challenge that I signed up for and hold the hand of Fear. I Drive My Vessel.
You see with every uncomfortable truth there is also opportunity. Opportunity to show myself the love and compassion I willingly give to everyone else.
I often have said, 'How can I expect someone to love and respect me, if I don't love and respect myself.' And with every speck of wisdom comes a lesson, that I too must, learn.
And here I am. Face to face with piece of myself I had not expected to find. Such a deep truth that I really didn't know what to think or feel. Of course the first feeling to arise was disbelief. That shameful piece of me wanted to scream 'bullshit!'. Next stormed in anger, shame, and self loathing. Berating myself, because I should have seen this sooner. How could I have been so blind? Well here's confirmation that I am really not good at anything....Blah blah blah...
Sigh, sniff and tears...
In comes the next wave of introspection.....
'Ah, but you created this. This was your own device for remaining small and hidden. This was your way to keep yourself from shining. If you don't shine, you can't fade.'
Okay... I get it. Now what do I do with it?
I wrap myself in self love. The kind of unconditional love you would show your own child. Held close to my own bosom, my own deep soul, I simply allow myself to love myself. For in this moment, for right now, that is all I need to do. The rest will come later, but for right now, Love.
It is my belief that we are here to experience life in all it's wonderful facets. If I knew it all, what would be the point! I also believe in accountability, even the tough stuff.
So I choose to see this as a chance to grow. To take this gem and revel in all the lessons it holds. To discover how to transcend and rise. To view with honor and love for this unique way of living. Knowing that I chose this life with these lessons is incredibly empowering. I am here to Live and living does not mean perfection. Living is Loving.
Love I will. In that Love I will know that Fear is but an abundant teacher whose hand I'll hold and whose lessons I'll accept with gratitude.
Stories are weaved into everything that we do. They have ways of molding and shaping us, even defining us. These past events, whether we look at them as positive or negative, can either lift us up or tear us down. We can embrace them as lessons and learn from them, or we can cry them into the abyss of victimization and remain blind to all else.
Everyone has a pivotal story or stories, that have help shape them, or so I thought.
Diving deep into self discovery and growth, I found myself questioning my beliefs and feelings on this.
Why do I fear success?
Why do I fear being noticed for anything?
Why do I feel I am too much?
I knew the story that brought me here, to some degree, but really questioning it led me someplace I was not fully expecting. In this time of really beginning to let my true self come forth I realized a couple of things. One being the events that created the story that kept me small. I then stumbled upon the view point of the mind that created the feelings that gave the stories power.
'The view point of the mind that created the feelings that gave the stories power'.
All this time I had known the stories, the list of events. Boy did I ever know them! What I had failed to correlate was the perception behind them.
You see it is not the events that cause us discomfort or thrill, it is our perception of those events!
As a nine year old how I perceived, or processed the events determined the story, the feelings, the messages. As I grew older the way I would look at things would change, grow and develop as I did, but the 'original' play would remain untouched. Many aspects of my life would unwittingly center around this one piece of time.
Each one of us is gifted with our own unique way of looking at things. We think that it is the stories of our past that creates our vision, but I feel that is not necessarily so.
We come in with our own personalities in this life. These inherent gifts brought forth from lifetimes prior to this one. We see that in our children. It is already encoded, our unique gifts.
For me, it is joy. Always I could see, or it was shown, the lessons, rainbows and gifts each moment could bestow. This was something I allowed to grow as I grew. As a child, though I had my own innate self, I was discovering what would make me tick and how to move with or against it. Nurture or squash it. In actuality I am still learning!
In this state of development I had acquired a very limited view of how to deal with events. As all children are, I was simply a sponge collecting information from outside sources and view points. And I drew my own infant conclusions and went with it.
Now, bestowed with this in my hat, I am able to revisit. Though I have been able to do that without contempt for many years, I can now see how my perception at that time protected and helped me.
Perceptions and view points can be changed and expanded at any given moment. It is a choice. In an effort to grow and become more open, I have done it time and time again. Thoughts from yesterday have changed today when given another piece of information or angle in which to look. Going back though memory allows me to also make a tiny shift in perception and now alter the steps I will make tomorrow. The events don't change, my history doesn't change. How I move forward changes. Another angle sprouts forth and old limiting beliefs diminish expanding my view even more. Energy spent on keeping me reeled in, bursts forth in abundant freedom.
Maybe it is only the view of the eternal Optimist but, once again, my heart, my soul, breathes that much freer in a world continually trying to contain, maintain and define our essence.