How can I be happy when...

So often I hear,
How can I be happy when....?
I would be happier if....?
What is there to be happy about?

I felt like that once. There was always someone or something that was 'keeping' me unhappy. If only I landed this job, or did this work, lost this much weight, had this much money, lived here was with so-and-so, or if only my partner/kids/friends/co-workers was like this, did that, understood my way of doing, thinking or seeing.
Really the crap can be endless.

Wow! How much time did I spend in that spiral thinking?!

There was always happiness bubbling under the surface, but I always had a 'reason' to keep it at bay. Listening to the 'Happy Oppressors' was one guaranteed way to stay a 'negative nellie'. Another good way to stay in the dumps, was to believe in my story. In all my perceived tragedies and wrong doings, I had melded a great way to keep my head down and my soul tucked away from it's true being. I really had fabricated a beautiful piece that justified my reason for being so cynical and oppressed.

 As a child, my life was not easy. There was more than the usual growing pains to deal with. Though I will refrain from detail at this time, I have learned to acknowledge and accept these heartaches from the past. Even now I can quite easily reflect, not dwell for there is a difference, and each reflection brings forth a new understanding much like reading a book for the third or forth time. Something deeper always arises and that is usually based on where we are in that moment. What was once disdain and malcontent, was easily transformed into understanding and even love. For those distant occurrences and my willingness to step forth and OWN it have led me to where I am today, and they continue to help guide me, if not in the way that you would expect.  I made a choice to see a person, not humans. To be unbiased and try and view every angle that may lead a person to do what they do. The good and not so good. I may still not agree, but at least I can see them in a new light, a new understanding, and then that person becomes a being, no different than myself, experiencing life on their terms.

In the end it is not for any of us to judge.


Now I am not saying that I didn't have some hard lessons or events, I just began to see them in a different light.
 
In fact I saw them in the 'LIGHT'!
Lessons!
In fact, they were and are nothing more than lessons in this school of life. Events that carry on past like the pot holes in the road. Avoid them and hope for a smooth drive, or hit them head on and reap the rich lessons of growth and transformation, even the ones that catch you by surprise.

Each rain storm, blizzard, tornado (in some cases) allowed me the opportunity to grow. To see things I otherwise would not have. I could see the forest, or I could see each needle on each tree and every dance in between.

That's my perspective.

   "When you stop resisting,
      you see that what seems frightening is actually the absolute beauty of reality"
          'Adyashanti (The effortless flow of Freedom)

It is a choice this thing we call Happiness. The day my councilor asked me at the age of 17, 'How bad do you want it?' was a huge turning point, that ultimately led to other light bulbs flickering into my view.
I finally have come to understand that it is all in perception. I could carry on feeling sorry for myself, blame the world and God, or I could begin to take responsibility for MY LIFE, for this is my LIFE.
I am not meant to have the same opinions and views as everyone else. I am not meant to wallow in the pool of shit and disdain. I could,  but that is not the CHOICE for me. I finally came to understand that it was not the fear of what 'everyone' thought of me and my choices, it was the fear of what I thought of myself and my choices.....I was the judge, not the outside world, of my own insecurities and armloads of baggage. Though I spent a small amount of time now rejudging myself for taking this long to let that go, I did let it go.

So....

Q.  How can I be happy when....?  

A.  You choose it.

Q.  I would be happier if....?

A.  You chose it.

Q.  What is there to be happy about?

A.   Everything.



I have CHOSEN to BE HAPPY. To understand that this dance we do can be our undoing or can lift us up to immeasurable heights.

The sun will only be held at bay for so long, for even the night must step aside for another day.



One Earth.