What have you done for your Self lately

When was the last time you did something for yourself? Are you thinking that you have just had a spa day, a night out with the girls, maybe you have a shopping day planned or you are finally getting an extra hour of some much needed sleep? Are you thinking of a time you paid it forward or dished out some good advice for once? Perhaps you feel going to the gym, buying those great shoes or managing the last piece of pie before the kids got to it, is plenty. Whatever the venue they are all great and we need to be free to explore these means that interest us, for they all can be momentarily gratifying. What I am asking is; When was the last time you did something for Your-Self? When was the last time you allowed the anger that rages through your veins bubble forth and scream to heavens until at last it was nothing more than a lonely leaf careening off in the distance? When was the last time you gave your Self permission to wail in frustration and sorrow until the last tethered tear rendered itself free from its prison of perceived control? Have you let your Self, even for a moment, delve into the abyss of hopelessness? Allowed those feelings to summon forth complete and utter helplessness and loneliness until you are nothing more than a trembling mass melded to the coming dark? There is always the other side that we are afraid to let free as well. Why would we let our Self be too happy and contagious for that will only allow us to fall deeper when the shadows peek around to pull us down to reality? Isn’t that what we think we are doing when we try and ‘contain’ our Self? Protecting it, sheltering it so it may not hurt too much, see too much, be disappointed too much. In the end all we have really done is let our Self down. We came in promising our Self the world of experience, however that may turn out, and instead we became a resentful parent trying to catch a moment of solace with a handful of empty promises we are too frightened to keep. Our Self needs, craves those moments of deep experience. Our Self has no concept of social decorum, no agenda for linear rights or wrongs. It is only committed to flowing forth to touch what our physical eyes are unwilling to see and our mortal minds refuse to acknowledge. Our Self is in an undaunting search to release from our containment and simply be. Yet we hold fast to our seemingly protective nature to control and in the end we do our Self the worst kind of indignation. Smothering layers of useless contaminants to silence the roar much like we would a child. Giving into the consumerism that is said to bring happiness instead of summoning up the courage to simply sit and listen …..and do nothing…and just be…..and truly feel the absoluteness of our Self. To know how perfect everything is. Not dark, not light, just being an observer and experiencer under one conscience. So I ask you again, What have you done for your Self lately? One Earth. :)